Monday, May 31, 2010

This will be the start of my first blog, and one in which I never thought I would ever have to write. People have bad days, bad weeks, even a bad month so to say but what my family has had to endure the last month and for the rest of our lives is something no one should ever have to go through.

On Friday April 30th, 2010 my husband and I were so excited to have a romantic weekend to ourselves. We had won a weekend getaway for a luxury hotel in downtown Montreal, and it was our first time leaving our children for two nights. Our Friday evening and Saturday morning was just great but on that very Saturday, May 1st 2010, while my husband and I were enjoying the botanical gardens our 25 month old baby girl went down for a nap and just never woke up. We had left our daughters with our best man and maid of honor, the closest friends, more like family, we have. Our daughter’s heart stopped and she stopped breathing, there were many people who performed CPR, but she was gone. There was nothing anyone could do or did not do, it was just her time.

While my husband and I were trying to decide what movie to see, we got the call no parent should ever get. We ran to find a taxi in the middle of the street, we told the driver it was an emergency and to drive as fast as he could. That taxi ride was the longest ride of our lives; little did we know there was nothing we could do and that she was gone already. We arrived at the hospital and my family was there trying to find my dear Alesia, finally they put us in a waiting room. At this point I am 27 weeks pregnant on top of everything that is happening so everyone was worried about me. I think I was just in udder shock and I just did not want to believe it, I thought we could still save her, my baby could not be gone, but she was and she is.

I guess this is where our journey started for the grieving of our baby and the beginning of this memorial I want to have for the most precious gift I received and lost.
As I held my baby for the last time I remember her legs getting stiff and how they could not wrap around me because there was no life left in her, not a tick in her heart, not a breath out of her mouth, this is when reality hit. I still do not fully grasp how that first week went by and I was calm, but I was. Strange to say the hardest thing in my life happened and I could not take drugs, alcohol nothing that could help (in all reality it would not have helped but hey what would one drink do?)

I will continue with our journey through the 1st week and the funeral etc in another blog soon.
I want the world to know what an incredibly loving, beautiful, happy child we had and I want to share with the world all the memories I can remember and through it all how we are truly coping. For now I started this blog weeping non-stop now I find myself happy that I made it through this much. Thank you to those of you who want to listen to our daughter’s stories, this is all we could ask for now, that she is remembered and will always be a part of us. The day we forget is the day our pain will encompass our entire lives and coping will cease to exist