This will be the start of my first blog, and one in which I never thought I would ever have to write. People have bad days, bad weeks, even a bad month so to say but what my family has had to endure the last month and for the rest of our lives is something no one should ever have to go through.On Friday April 30th, 2010 my husband and I were so excited to have a romantic weekend to ourselves. We had won a weekend getaway for a luxury hotel in downtown Montreal, and it was our first time leaving our children for two nights. Our Friday evening and Saturday morning was just great but on that very Saturday, May 1st 2010, while my husband and I were enjoying the botanical gardens our 25 month old baby girl went down for a nap and just never woke up. We had left our daughters with our best man and maid of honor, the closest friends, more like family, we have. Our daughter’s heart stopped and she stopped breathing, there were many people who performed CPR, but she was gone. There was nothing anyone could do or did not do, it was just her time.
While my husband and I were trying to decide what movie to see, we got the call no parent should ever get. We ran to find a taxi in the middle of the street, we told the driver it was an emergency and to drive as fast as he could. That taxi ride was the longest ride of our lives; little did we know there was nothing we could do and that she was gone already. We arrived at the hospital and my family was there trying to find my dear Alesia, finally they put us in a waiting room. At this point I am 27 weeks pregnant on top of everything that is happening so everyone was worried about me. I think I was just in udder shock and I just did not want to believe it, I thought we could still save her, my baby could not be gone, but she was and she is.
I guess this is where our journey started for the grieving of our baby and the beginning of this memorial I want to have for the most precious gift I received and lost. As I held my baby for the last time I remember her legs getting stiff and how they could not wrap around me because there was no life left in her, not a tick in her heart, not a breath out of her mouth, this is when reality hit. I still do not fully grasp how that first week went by and I was calm, but I was. Strange to say the hardest thing in my life happened and I could not take drugs, alcohol nothing that could help (in all reality it would not have helped but hey what would one drink do?)
I will continue with our journey through the 1st week and the funeral etc in another blog soon. I want the world to know what an incredibly loving, beautiful, happy child we had and I want to share with the world all the memories I can remember and through it all how we are truly coping. For now I started this blog weeping non-stop now I find myself happy that I made it through this much. Thank you to those of you who want to listen to our daughter’s stories, this is all we could ask for now, that she is remembered and will always be a part of us. The day we forget is the day our pain will encompass our entire lives and coping will cease to exist
this is heartbreaking. I'm terribly sorry for your loss and admire your courage and compassion to share your story with the world. I have nothing but gratitude and appreciation for what you're doing. All the best and much love.
ReplyDeletei never met her, yet i think of her 100 times a day, i look at her pictures and i could picture her running around and giggling and just being so happy. i can't possibly imagine what you are going through, but my heart goes out to you and thank you for this blog, it will make everyone know her a bit more and never be forgotten...
ReplyDeleteWe are brought into this world to establish a legacy for ourselves. Like any great mother, you are doing for Alesia what she was deprived of doing for herself. An extraordinary act that only a mother or father can accomplish.
ReplyDeleteI do admire your strength and your courage to write this for us to read and know what a beautiful child she was. You bring me to tears every time I read your(& Billy) posts. I cannot even imagine what it feels like to lose your baby, it just makes me appreciate mine all the more and to stop screaming and scolding her for the littlest things. Keep up the hard work, I know I'll keep reading and appreciate life a little more very time thanks to you!!
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ReplyDeleteMay God's gift of strength and courage reign upon you the rest of your lives. Sheyda I remember it like yesterday spending that morning photographing her on your living room floor right after her baptism. Something about that special smile. She is truly as angelic as her photots depict. My wife and I are parents of a two month old boy and reading the story and the thoughts have just solidified the importance of loving like there is no tomorrow. We usually never understand God's will when it goes against our favour and I will restrain from writing the heart felt cliche expressions, but I will pray for her heavenly soul and for your strength to carry you onward. If there is anything you need in terms of photos, prints anything with respect to her, please please, do not hesitate to ask me for whatever it may be... I will be willing to donate my time and personal services for you and your family with regards to anything photographic..
ReplyDeleteI will be attending the service this Saturday. Peace be with you..
Dear Sheyda, I never saw you...I never saw her...Her beautiful smile has touch my hearth and I can't stop thinking of her.
ReplyDeleteI admire you so much for your courage, your strength, your power ,your unconditional love and your commitment ...You are what we call a real MOTHER and may she protect you & protect your family for all life long.
She is not gone, she is leaving in our hearths for ever... she is unforgettable.
As we say.. when somebody dies... a cloud turns into an angel, and flies up to tell God to put another flower on a pillow. A bird gives the message back to the world, and sings a silent prayer that makes the rain cry. People dies- appear, but they never really go away. The spirits up there put the sun to bed, wake up grass, and spin the earth in dizzy circles. Sometimes you can see them dancing in a cloud during the day-time, when they're supposed to be sleeping. They paint the rain- bows and also the sunsets and make waves splash and tug at the tide. They toss shooting stars and listen to wishes. And when they sing wind- songs, they whisper to us, don't miss me too much. The view is nice and I'm doing just fine. We will all meet again in Eternity.
My sincere condolences to the entire family. God Bless you.
Dear Sheyda, I admire your courage and strength you and your husband have shown through this most difficult time in your lives. I have been reading and following all your posts thus far and I feel that I have known Alesia all her life. Just her pictures alone have melted my heart and I have shed many tears. She is truly one of God's beautiful little angels looking down with a big smile on you and your family. God bless you and protect you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sheyda for sharing your pain with us.
ReplyDeleteMay god bless you and your family, may he give you strength each and every day.
Sheyda & Bill, Loss of words... thanks to your journal it makes it easier to see the light. I admire your courage and strengh through all these hard tlmes. All I can say is may god be with you. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family everyday. I know you have great support through family and friends but if you ever need to talk don't hesitate to call. Good luck with the new arrival, Alesia is watching over you all.
ReplyDeleteYou are both truly phenominal. The courage and strength you both hold during this time is beyond words for me. I had stayed away from reading your blog for some time now because I could not bare to see your little girls face and smile. Tears rush to me at the thought of it all. I give you my strength to help you on those days that are just a little harder then others. I give you my patience for those days where you look up in the sky and wonder why.... I give you my heart to help ease the pain for your family. I do not know you but i do believe that a strangers shoulder can sometimes be what we need. If you ever need to just let out nothings to anyone just know i give you my ear for that. May god bless you all and may your baby girl watch over you.
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