Coping Through This Tragedy

On Saturday June 5Th 2010 we had Alesia's 40 day memorial, which included going to church and our community center for cookies, bread , cheese and koliva from the Greeks and helva from the Armenian's. It was a gathering for everyone who wanted to remember Alesia. It seems as though each time we gather like this whether it was for the funeral home, funeral, or the 40 days, it just seems unreal to me. Can it be that its for my little baby, yet each time the answer is yes, my baby is gone and I must continue living, yet something about that just is not right.

As time passes reality hits harder and harder and I feel like my entire life has been shattered to pieces. How something so small can give so much life is still beyond me. I miss everything about my baby, her smell, her hugs and kisses, her laughter, but my heart breaks the most when I have to watch her sister play all by herself. They were the perfect sisters hugging and kissing and playing with each other all the time, they rarely fought. I thought I was the luckiest mom.




Each day I prepare more and more for our new daughters arrival and I anticipate this birth so much for our entire family. She will be a new start and a new life that will give me more meaning right now. I keep myself busy these days with the preparation of her nursery. I began painting the letters of her name for her bedroom today. I felt really happy as I was painting it was almost like I forgot what had happened. I guess I've also begun nesting because I organized so many things in this house today. I even prepared my hospital bag, my daughters bag for grandma, and our new additions bag. I am so thankful I have Katerina Zoe to look forward to but it does not make the loss any easier, this is a new life not a replacement for my angel.

I am emotionally, and physically completely drained, I just wonder when this will get a little easier. A loss like this is the hardest thing a person has to ever suffer from, because it never truly heals, I will always have a hole in my heart that will never heal. I laugh, I enjoy my family but there is and will always be someone missing. I am supposed to bring Katerina home to both her sisters and instead I only have pictures and memories of one to pass on to her.

If you are a parent reading this please enjoy your children even more than usual, give them extra hugs and kisses, and never take for granted the noise in your home because its the sound of life and love, a sound I miss everyday.



AS A FINAL NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT SINCE OUR DAUGHTERS DEATH WE HAVE SET UP AN ALESIA STAVROULA KARIDOGIANNIS FUND AT THE MONTREAL CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. THANKS TO MANY PEOPLES GENEROSITY WE CONTINUE TO RECEIVE CARDS FROM DONORS WHICH WE REALLY APPRECIATE. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND PLEASE CONTINUE YOUR DONATIONS! WE DON'T WANT ANYONE TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH SUCH A TRAGEDY AND LOSS!