Thankful

I cannot begin to express how much I miss my baby girl. There are days I prepare her sisters nursery in her room and I feel so happy to have this new baby, and at the same time it is just so bittersweet. One love gone and one to come. Katerina is moving like crazy all the time and being a good girl, which gives me strength each day, as she will when she arrives. My heart is filled by my oldest and soon my youngest but my heart aches everyday for what I have lost and will never get back.


If you are pregnant and reading this be joyful that you have a full heart to give your newborn. If this is a second or more child be happy your family is growing and all the siblings have each other. If you are not yet a parent, hopefully one day you will be and I promise you it will be the best thing in your life forever, be grateful, be thankful and cherish every minute.



As I get closer to my c-section I get happier to know I will have my new daughter to keep me busy especially when my oldest goes to daycare. At the same time I wonder all the time how all of a sudden I went down to having two children instead of three. I had mentally started preparing myself to what life was going to be like, hectic and incredible, now its what I have known for the last 2 years except with another individual child.





I wish so much this never happened and my Alesia would be running to say, “I love you mama”, and to give me a kiss right now but this is what it is. Yes sometimes I am bitter and I look at people who have there two year olds and I just want to curl up and die inside, but then I am just so happy they are here where they belong. A child should never be separated from its loving parents, because as strong as we can be for our families especially our children, this is so unbearable sometimes.

To end this post I wanted to include a part of what I wrote 2 days after I lost Alesia, to sum things up if I was ever given the choice not to have her and to never have to go through this pain, I would never say yes. I am so thankful for all she gave and all she will continue to give this World. I have to like you are as a parent continue to be unselfish and let my daughter slowly make a difference in all of your lives and ours!

I’M THANKFUL FOR ALL THE TIMES YOU SLEPT IN MY ARMS AND HELD ME OH SO TIGHT
I’M THANKFUL FOR EVERY “ I LOVE YOU” WE SHARED
I’M THANKFUL FOR ALL THE LAUGHS YOU GAVE
I’M THANKFUL FOR SO FEW TEARS AND PAIN YOU HAD AND THE INNOCENCE YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE.
I ALWAYS SAID I WANTED YOU TO STAY SMALL, MY BABY, AND NOW YOU WILL FOREVER BE MY BABY.
THERE REALLY ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW WRONG ALL OF THIS IS BUT THERE IS A REASON AND WE WILL FIND IT IF IT’S THE LAST THING WE DO!