Daddy's letter to Alesia

My Dearest Alesia,

I miss you so much, little one....It’s been 74 days since you left us. I still remember it fresh in my mind, when the doctor’s walked into the room we were in, to tell us they had done all they could but that you had died....



For the first time in daddy’s life, I had been beaten, totally defeated. Never before was I presented with a situation where I could not fix, or work very hard and endlessly to fix,something that had gone severely wrong. For the first time in my life, I was completely lost. But it was only for a moment. Something strange happened soon after mommy and I were brought to the room where your tiny body lay. I felt overcome with love, compassion, and understanding.I had often thought of how I would react if a tragedy such as your loss would ever occur to me.Everything I had envisioned, the rage, the anger, the hate, the need for revenge....I felt none of that. I felt like all i wanted to do at that moment was hold you, hold mommy, cry, and cry and cry, (which I did.....) and to gather everyone we cared about, to surround us all with love, your love!

I felt your love surrounding us, as mommy and I held you, and rocked you and touched every inch of your body, carressed your hair. I felt your love as I sang your favorite song, you knowthe one, “perdikoula”, the one before I put you to sleep every night. I felt your love everywhere in that hospital May 1st. And you know what, Baby? It picked me up.....It picked me up in a waythat I never imagined I would be able to. From that feeling of defeat I had felt when I recieved the terrible news that you had gone, It quickly changed to one of pure love, drive and purpose!

Alesia, you gave us so much strength to simply survive the week that we had ahead of us! We were often confronted with comforting the people, the friends and family who had come to comfort us. And they were amazed!! They thought mommy and I were high on drugs!!

Remember when your “nono” walked with me to our home, to keep an eye on me in case I had a breakdown? Wasn’t it funny that it was me who ended up keeping an eye on him, while he had the breakdown?

And the strength you gave Mommy, to be OK, for her and your soon to be sister....WOW!!!Thank you, little one, you made her a stronger person! And the joy you have brought Marouli these past months, the way you make her laugh and dance and play, when we are in situations where we worry about how she is going to react, like when we brought her to see your “pink box” and the funeral home, and the flowers there were so brilliant and looked amazing and smelled wonderful...., and Maro just loved being there.....and it gave us a sense of relief, and calmness. We were happy she got to say good bye to you.

And remember all the people that came to pay their respects and say bye....WOW!!! So many...you brought people to us, that we had not seen in some cases, for 25 years!!! You brought estranged family back to us, who we had missed for so many years!! You brought new people to us, who we had never met before, but wanted to share in our sadness and offer their support. You created an environment where everybody felt love, wanted to give love and accept it as well...from anyone!! It was not what I thought it was going to be.

Alesia, little one, my lovely girl, I loved every minute of the 774 days you spent with us. Youtought us the true meaning of love, pure love, because you gave it, freely, Your hugs were all encompassing, and your tiny little arms felt like they were hugging my entire body! Your laughter was infectious, your expressions priceless, and the face, that’s what we call it, the face, the one you gave to those you were not sure of, we will never forget!! Your, “I love you”, I realize now,was your favorite expression, because you meant it, even though you were so young...you knew what those three words meant and what they signified, and how powerful they were!!

I remember everything about you, your first real steps, and how we were excited about them!One....two...three.....four, five sixseveneight.....into mommy’s arms!!! You were a great daughter, an amazing loving sister, and a loving little person to everyone....even the animals!! They miss you like crazy.... Mikey misses you.....as does Mia,she is always going to your room, looking for you....I am sure she feels your presence...I know I do....especially these past couple of weeks...I feel you....I feel as though I can reach my hand out and touch you....Like you're so near....I try every day! ;-)

I know you are always around, I know you are watching over us, and making sure we are well. I know your sisters will always be OK, because you love them so.......remember how you would rub Almond oil on mommy’s belly, and how you would kiss katerina? You were incredible. Watch out for your baby sister. She is coming tomorrow, make sure everything goes great and go to her, she would love to have you around. She will see and hear you. Her mind is open now, to everything, not corrupted by age and conditioning like most of us...go to her...tell her who you are...love her like you did us....guide her! And Maro of course!!!! Maro especially!!....She misses you, and talks about you so much....She tells me how much she loved you....and is excited that you are now an Angel! take care of her as well!!

And Mommy.....make sure you keep giving her the strength to get over her sadness....to make sure that Katerina will get all the love and caring and affection and fun that you did, and for all the rest of your brothers or sisters that may be coming!! ;-)

Thank you Alesia, Thank you thank you thank you, a million times thank you!You gave me more than I could ever ask for, love, compassion, caring, laughter....You were pure joy! Thank you for choosing me to be your daddy. Thank you for your hugs, thank you for the greatest memories a man can ever ask for! You have taken all my fear away....You have given me freedom to take on the world and make it a better place....a more loving place. I know that when My time comes, I will not be afraid to let go of this world....I know you will be right there waiting for me....on a staircase, holding a doodoo ( blanket) to cover me up and keep me warm...and i cannot wait for that hug!!!I miss you!I love you!

I will always and forever remember you, every day, every hour.....always.....And I will remember our last car ride, where I turned my head to you in the back seat, and stuck out my tongue...and you smiled...and leaned forward...and stuck it out right back at me.....and we laughed.....and of course countless of other moments!!

Your sister is coming tomorrow!
I am off to shave, because I want to smother your new sister with kisses. I need to be soft. I know, I know, you never minded about my beard....;-) But she’s new! She might!! And I have many kisses to give her from you!!

See you when I see you!

Love always

Daddy